Clarence Thomas needs a dog

Justice Clarence Thomas, the Supreme Court’s bad boy, is complaining about the “nastiness” of Washington, D.C. (see stories here, here, and here).

Well you know what they say: If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Millions of Americans would love for him to quit.

He probably won’t. He loves power, and advancing a radical conservative agenda, too much.

The alternative is visit an animal shelter and take a dog home.

Thomas isn’t the first denizen of the D.C. swamp to gripe about its swampiness. The other Washington is full of ambitious people jockeying for the job of the person on the next rung up. And these days, partisan competition largely consists of lying about opponents, name-calling, and character assassination.

But Thomas isn’t a victim of character assassination, because he doesn’t have any character to assassinate. I believe Anita Hill, and it’s undisputed he took gifts from a billionaire and didn’t report them. He deserves all the criticism flung at him; and by the way, his jurisprudence sucks, and his wife is a seditionist. So I don’t care if his perch is uncomfortable.

President Truman’s wife Bess allegedly said, “If you want a friend in this town, get a dog.” That may have been more an observation than a suggestion, but there’s truth in it. Dogs are loyal to their owners if fed, petted, and not kicked or shot.

They don’t care if their owner is a jerk to other humans. Which makes a dog an ideal companion for Thomas. He probably could get his billionaire friend to foot the veterinary bills and buy dog food. Thomas gets everything else free, including his fancy RV.

So what is he waiting for? Washington D.C. has plenty of dog pounds, and a surfeit of  adoptable dogs.

I wouldn’t want to be that dog, though. Of all the potential dog parents in D.C., Thomas would be my last choice. He’s not a dog lover. He doesn’t love anybody, except maybe his wife, Trump, and whoever gives him free stuff.

Photo: This dog wants out of jail. Let him out and put Clarence Thomas in jail. Just kidding. If Thomas needs a friend, he could provide this dog with a forever home.

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