Bet you thought reading the Voters Pamphlet is just another tedious chore, right? WRONG!!! It contains some truly entertaining writing. You just have to look in the right place. Meaning, skip over the mainstream (i.e., sane) candidates and read up on the flakes. Of whom there’s no shortage. Here are some choice entries from the August primary VP (names are withheld to save these poor, hapless souls from further public embarrassment):
“I have absolutely no political experience whatsoever.” (This one is so common, you can’t copyright it.)
“My current persona might suggest that we may be related.” (No, I don’t think so. You don’t look a bit like me. Or anyone I know.)
“I saved my babysitting money to get my name on the ballot, because my hubby said I could spend it any way I want to.” (I’ll bet he’s sorry now, and will be ever sorrier if you get elected.)
“I became a Washington lawyer without law school.” (Impressive. Know any brain surgeons who didn’t go to medical school?)
“I grew up in a middle class family in a nice neighborhood.” (What happened? How did you end up in politics?)
“My candidacy is an attempt to emulate the little girl in the Hans Christian Anderson fable telling the villagers ‘the King has no clothes.'” (That’s Hans Christian Andersen, bozo; I just hate it when people can’t spell, especially people’s names.)
“Focused on consulting recently to spend time with my children.” (Then why are you running for Governor?)
“I’m a veteran who does not support the troops, a former teacher who blew the whistle on my own employer and a former wildlife biologist who knows that Bill Gates doesn’t have a clue about education, feeding the hungry anything else except making crappy software.” (Refreshing honesty, but can’t seem to hold a job.)
“Other Professional Experience: “Staff Scientist, Post-Doctoral Fellow, Doctoral Fellow, Undergraduate Researcher, 1hr photo clerk at Costco.”
“C0mmunity Service: Long-time blood donor (six gallons).”
“Other Professional Experience: “… amateur economist … ”
This by no means exhausts the literary nuggets lurking in the Voters Pamphlet. What you need to do is set aside a couple of hours, sit down, and read the whole thing all the way through. After all, this is your government talking to you here.