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BEYOND KOSHER .. DAMNED PORK!

One Million Moms decried the use of “the d-word” in the ad campaign,

One Million Moms has condemned Burger King for use of “profanity” in a commercial. At the 45 second mark, one customer, after sampling Burger King’s Impossible Whopper, the ad says: “Damn, that’s good.”

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Pat Brown, founder of Impossible Foods and Stanford Professor of Genetics,  strongly supports labeling Impossible Foods’ products as “meat,” regardless of its source. He noted, “animals have just been the technology we have used up until now to produce meat… What consumers value about meat has nothing to do with how it’s made. They just live with the fact that it’s made from animals. These statements have put Brown at odds with the meat industry.

“Burger King’s Impossible Whopper ad is irresponsible and tasteless,” the organization wrote in the statement. “It is extremely destructive and damaging to impressionable children viewing the commercial. We all know children repeat what they hear.”

This is so sad.  Who knew these Moms were so damned sensitive?  I suspect none of them showed up at this year’s Consumer Electronics Show?  Impossible Foods offered samples at the annual event  in Las Vegas. The lucky first taste testers said the faux pig tastes pretty much like the real thing.

Surely the Moms have not thought about the poor animals.  Faux meat could save millions of cows, chickens pigs from suffering on factory farms .

And maybe none of these Moms were Jewish?  Do they know there are the dietary rules for Hindus, Jews and Muslims.  Hindus are, of course, vegetarian .. opening up a vast new market across India.

Imagine the market from Mumbai to Istanbul for Impossible Pork Banh Mi, Impossible Pork Char Siu Buns, Impossible Pork Dan Dan Noodles, Impossible Pork Katsu, and Impossible Pork Sweet, Sour, and Numbing Meatballs.  Impossible Vindaloo seems obvious!

But wait, there is more.  Impossible Pork was created by a brilliant team of food scientists, experts and chefs. Even though Impossible Foods’ new pork is 0% pig. Sadly there is no mention of a rabbi to supervise the project and confer the prized label of Kosher.  Surely, Pat Brown, the CEO of Impossible Food, could afford a mashgiach as the on-site supervisor and inspector?  The reward. a stamp called a hechsher, would reassure customers that this was the not the real thing.  Even in Poland, hechsher on vodka greatly improves sales! 

That may be OK because the newest assault on tradition will come in the form of  Impossible™ Croissan’wich® — featuring cheese along with Impossible Sausage.  Available soon in select Burger King® restaurants around the world this may offend the French, but would not violate Jewish law since we are not allowed to cook an animal with its mother’s milk.  The problem is, a rabbi has to certify that there

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Impossible Foods claims that the imitation pork is designed for halal and kosher certification and has invited everyone, Jews, Muslims and goyim, to try their products.  Go to the IMPOSSIBLE TASTE PLACE, upload a picture of what you eat and win points redeemable for Impossible Swag!

Rabbis are Damn Welcome !


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