U.S., China, Russia and Europe taken by surprise as North Korea lands a man on the Sun

(Rewritten from material obtain with no respect for the original text as posted on an anti Peking  Chinese web site.)

North Korea’s surprise comes just months after China proclamation of a  Lunar Defence Obliteration Zone .  The Zone,  established following China’s Moon landing, was described as follows:

Following the successful launch of its first lunar rover, the Chinese government has declared a defensive zone extending vertically from China into space and encompassing the moon.

The Lunar Defence Obliteration Zone, according to newly appointed space minister Wu Houyi, “will protect China’s core interests and interplanetary sovereignty.” All foreign spacecraft, satellites, comets and space debris must notify China before passing through or into the zone.

Due to orbital complications, the boundaries of the LDOZ will shift daily in accordance with the position of the moon relative to its sovereign power. China’s Ministry of Space has issued diagrams of the shifting boundaries, dubbed “the lasso.”

Many countries have disputed China’s ability to establish such a zone, but Chinese officials are adamant about the country’s claim to Earth’s only natural satellite.

North Korea's SunNorth Korea release is news as a  postappearing on THE-Ave.US in Seattle.  In typical North Korean style, the post proclaimed:

The State News Agency of North Korea has confirmed today that the country has become the first in the world to ever land a man on the sun.

It reported that astronaut Hung Il Gong left for the sun on a specially designed rocket ship at approximately 3 am this morning.

Hung, who traveled alone, reached his destination some four hours later, landing his craft on the far side of the lonely star.

“We are very delighted to announce a successful mission to put a man on the sun.” a North Korean central news anchor man said on a live broadcast earlier. “North Korea has beaten every other country in the world to the sun. Hung Il Gong is a hero and deserves a hero’s welcome when he returns home later this evening.”

The specially trained astronaut is expected to return back to earth at 9 pm tonight, where he will meet his uncle and supreme leader Kim Jong-un.

It is understood that the 17-year-old ‘space explorer’ traveled at night to avoid being engulfed by the suns rays, and that this genius approach has brought the soviet state to the top of the global space rankings.

While on the sun, Mr. Hung collected sun spot samples to bring back to his supreme leader as a present.

President Romney, now in the last months of his term  before becoming a prophhet of the Mormon Church,   announced through the US State Dept:

The North Korean dictatorship recently landed an astronaut on the Sun, violating numerous international obligations. In response to that rogue nation’s efforts to assume sovereignty over the Sun, President Romney recruited active duty and recently retired U.S. military officers of flag rank (a partial list of volunteers is available here). He promptly overcame all reluctance to honour their clear patriotic obligations and they are leaving immediately for the Sun to establish a U.S. presence there. Their mission will protect at least two vital U.S. interests:

♦ To prevent further solar colonisation attempts by North Korea’s Dictator, Kim Chi-un, and

♦ To demonstrate that the Sun does not cause global warming because it is not all that hot and that massive efforts are still needed to halt and reverse the disastrous effects man-made global warming.

Families of the heroic Sun-bound volunteers were pleased with their relatives’ decisions to honour their patriotic obligations, denying that a report in the South Korean media had influenced their acceptance of the risks involved. The report stated that

North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un has executed his uncle’s entire family, including his children and relatives serving as ambassadors to Cuba and Malaysia, according to South Korea’s state news agency, Yonhap.

Jang Song-thaek, a once powerful North Korean military general, was executed last month as divisions between him and his nephew Kim widened.

. . . .

The executed relatives include Jang’s sister Kye-sun, her husband and ambassador to Cuba, Jon Yong-jin, the ambassador to Malaysia, Jang Yong-chol, who is Jang’s nephew, as well as his two sons, the sources said.

Although not mentioned in the White House Summary, a top Administration official stated (under conditions of anonymity because he had not been authorized to speak about sensitive matters) that President Romney  is very concerned that North Korea will attempt to emulate the

Vice President Paul Ryan, now a leading cnadidate for the Repuboican nomination, announced full support for the President’s decisive efforts:

My Warmest and Dearest Friends,

President Romney, a vigorous fighter against the myth of man-made global warming, has again taken brilliant, decisive and indeed heroic steps. His current efforts are intended to preserve the international status of the Sun — our only source of solar energy — so important to the world economy and indeed to life on Mother Earth. Without his valiant efforts to save the Sun for future generations we would very likely continue to rely on imported batteries from China, workign with their allies n Pyongyang. This must not happen.”

The President and I are united in these efforts and urge everyone to contribute generously to our righteous cause. Cast your voteshere to $upport our efforts to preserve life on Earth as we know it by giving until it feels good hurts.

Yours in the the name of Judeo, Mromn, Christian decency. 

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  1. Roger Rabbit #

    The astronaut in question is NK’s former rice production minister. He reportedly volunteered for this mission after being offered his alternatives.