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PROTECTION MANAGEMENT TAKES OVER CAMDEN!
In a bold move, Pres. Willard “Mitt” Romney has announced that he is privatizing the police force of the city of Camden. The private force will be headed by Giovanni “John” Riggi, the newly named President of the Protection Management division of Waste Management.
The move was announced during Mr. Romney’s recent visit to the dying city. Beset by arrogant police unions unable to face the reality of the new era of Ryanomics, the city of Camden had descended into barbarism.
Gov. Chris Christie, as previously reported on The Avenue, had attempted to solve this problem by absorbing the police of Camden into a newly formed “Metro Police,” escalating the problem by attempting to solve it with big government.
Present Romney pointed out that big government is never the solution. Instead, he announced that Waste Management, the New Jersey-based firm that collects garbage across the United States, had agreed to purchase the bankrupt Camden police force for $30 million. This money will go to help the bankrupt city. Waste management will also pay off the debts of the police force and rehire the police either as security forces or garbagemen.
Standing beside Mr. Romney, David P. Steiner, CEO of Waste Mangement, announced that Giovanni “John” Riggi would become the President of a newly formed division of waste management, to be called “Protection Management.” John Riggi has been a business agent of the “International Association of Laborers and Hod Carriers”, in New Jersey for years. In that role, Mr. Riggi led efforts to maximize the synergy between organized labor and construction firms. A very strong advocate of Sicilian traditions, Giovanni Riggi is known as a “family man.” Mr. Steiner, in making the announcement, said that he was very pleased that Mr. Riggi, who is now finishing a program at at the Federal Medical Center (FMC) Devens, Massachusetts where he has been under treatment,