There were violent protests in Portland, Oregon, this weekend. (This isn’t news; it’s cut-and-paste.) Rioters toppled statues of Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt and broke windows in the Oregon Historical Society. Some businesses also were vandalized.
The protest was organized by a group calling itself “Indigenous Action” and billed as an “Indigenous People’s Day of Rage.” Lincoln was spray-painted “Dakota 38,” referring to 38 Sioux warriors hanged with his approval. Roosevelt was spray-painted “stolen lands.”
Trump’s on the case and wasted no time fingering the culprits. He tweeted,
and
Which raises the question: “Who ARE these people?” (The protesters.) The news reports (read them here and here) don’t specify, so the best we can do is play detective, and make an educated guess based on the clues above. Sorta like playing the “Clue” game of old. Here are the suspects:
- Animals
- Joe Biden
- Biden fools
- Antifa radicals
- Native American rioters
- Little green men from Mars
The answer seems obvious, doesn’t it? We certainly can deduce, with Trump’s help, who the police should profile and arrest for this vandalism. All the cops need is a spaceship to get there.
Left: Police artist’s sketch of a suspected Portland statue vandal