God spews:
Every Sunday, over at HorsesAss, pieces of the Christian Bible are posted as a target for humor every Sunday. Critics of the Holy Bible ought to remember that I did not write it.
Let Me help the Christians. You may mean well, but please do not blame Me. The Christian Bible is a collection of books. Only ONE book in that collection, the Torah or Five Books of Moses” claims to be revelations of My words to Moses. Did I write it? Does that matter?
So, to Christians offended by HorsesAss, please do not blame Me. Your Bible is an assortment of ancient Jewish and Roman writings. 
Except for the Torah, none of your texts even claims to be endorsed by God …that is by Me. Nowhere in that New Testament do I, or even the Roman Deity, claim to be revealing My words. Your Bible is as much an official document of the Emperor Constantine as the red book was for Mao.
Speaking of Mao, look at Proverbs. This collection would work well as a pamphlet . Proverbs is only in your Bible because the Roman Christians decided to take a bit of Judaica as a source of wisdom.
Proverbs were put into the Roman’s official canon along with the Song of Songs .. a love song, the ravings of Elijah a raving demagogue , tales of David .. a murderous king , and more. So, if you need a good erotic reading, try the Song! As your Creator, I recommend it over the Book of O … better writer!
Or if love is not your need, try wisdom. There is Mark Twain, along with Maya Angelou, Ernest Hemingway, Thomas Mann, Molière, Mohandas Gandhi, Mikhai Bulgagov and others whose names you would not recognize, I suggest THESE are worthy of human canonization.
Why not start a new religion with such a great canon?
A new religion? What for? take the old ; dust it off and clean it up.
OK! So why not start by
1, making a real attempt to look at what Jesus might have actually said?