FORD WINS CONTRACT TO BUILD GALS!
Responding to the announcement that the city of Detroit is now bankrupt, Ann Romney, Chair of the Presidential Commission for Renaissance of American Industry, has announced the award of funds from the Romney Renaissance program to Ford Motor Company.
Introducing Mrs. Romney in a news conference held in front of the new White House stables, The President said: “The time has come for Detroit to compete for the upper end. As the automotive industry becomes ever more democratized (think heated leather seats in Honda Civics and 10-speaker Bose audio systems in Mazda 3s), American carmakers seeking the upper rungs of exclusivity must push the envelope ever further to stay relevant.”
“Why shouldn’t the skilled workers of Detroit build a grand sedan that is larger, more opulent and faster than England’s new Bentley or Italy’s Ferrari? We are not the land of the poor and American workers should build cars for the richest people in the world!”
Annoncing the award of $250 million dollars of start up funds, Mrs. Romney said,” Rich people have not been hurt by the Obama recession and those folks, especially in China, want great cars! Th issue is not just bigger cars .. style matters! Stylistically, we should move far beyond the dowdy traditional limousines built by Cadillac or Lincoln”
“Given the great design pioneered by Apple and the world wide hunger for American products, Detroit should build our own “great car.”The commission calls this project “GAL” … the great American limo.
To encourage this move, the administration has committed 250 million dollars to construction of a new GAL factory on deserted land in Detroit and President Romney has announced that he has raised $10,000,000 of private funds to buy the first “GAL as a White House Limousine.A number of Mr. Romney’s supporters have also committed to buying GALs. Donald Trump and Sheikh Alaweed have both said they would order highly customized versions!
Ford and GM, the two remaining American car manufactures, competed for these funds. Ford, won the competition, in part, because it had patriotically refused the Obama stimulus funds.
The Ford proposal,designed by Atlanta’s Sir Elton John, will be called The Henry,.
The Henry makes use of Boeing’s expertise with a carbon fiber body and a twin-turbocharged 6-litre W12 engine. The power plant, essentially two narrow-angle V6s that share a common crankshaft, spins out 616 horsepower and 590 pound-feet of torque, delivered to all four wheels through a new 8-speed automatic transmission. At 5,451lbs, the Henry is no lightweight, but 60mph nonetheless arrives in a scant 4.3 seconds, and with a determined right foot, the big sedan will press on to 200mph – figures that top Mercedes’ best car by 0.6 seconds and 6mph, respectively.
And yet, despite this prodigious oomph, Ford claims Boeing’s carbon fiber body will allow the Henry better the fuel economy, returning 12mpg in town and 20mpg on the open road.
Interior luxury is assured. Seating for five is standard, but a four-passenger option gives a full-length centre console with additional storage (fancy a Champagne cooler?). Personalization, is fairly limitless. Buyers will be able to pick from well more than 100 exterior colors, along with 17 shades of leather and a dozen varieties of polished wood veneer trim.
Ding Dzau II, son of one of the founders of the Chinese Communist Party and now CEO of China’s for profit healthcare system, has ordered a Henry upholstered in imperial silk cloth once worn only by the Emperor’s concubines. Mr. Dzau, usually called DD, has also ordered that all interior fittings be made of platinum with his initials in gold inlay.