1. to President Obama, ‘Keep your hands off my tea bag. Rush Limbaugh
2. “Have you heard the TSA’s new slogan? ‘We handle more junk than eBay.'” —Jay Leno
3. “In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don’t mind being patted down by airport security, but I don’t like it when the guy says, ‘Now you do me.'” —Conan O’Brien 4. “TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish.” —David Letterman
4. “The TSA, it’s our business to touch yours.” —from a “Saturday Night Live”
5. “The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity.” —Jimmy Fallon