$1 USD = 95¢ Canadian? Take Off, Eh?
New proposed border currency
Seattle-The Canadian dollars used to be the joke of world currencies, falling somewhere between the former Italian Lira and Arby’s “5-for-$5″ coupons. Americans used to travel to Vancouver to buy high end clothes on Robson Street the way Saudi Princes spent money in Parisian brothels. Now the tide has turned, for the first time since the Lincoln Administration, the U.S. dollar is weaker than the monopoly money used by our neighbors to the north.
The effects are being felt in border states like Washington, were retailers are rushing to stock bear rifles, wool caps, and Toughskins to satiate the voracious Canadian shoppers’ appetite. Local sports bars are hosting “Hockey Night in Canada.” Enterprising border dentists are running 2-for-1 deals on implants for missing front teeth.
Shop owners around Seattle are still adjusting to this new situation. Nina Ohl, owner of U Village’s boutique, “NiNow” said, “We used to openly mock the Canadians and their funny money. But now, after all these customers, I’m almost giving them back rubs. Jesus, next thing you know I’m going to have to learn to speak Canadian.”
Other shop owners are going farther still. The classic “Woolly Mammoth” shoe store on University Way in the U-District is in the process of changing its name to “Aboot Boots.”
Canadians love it too
Richard Layton, from Surrey, B.C. recently bought 25 iPads to hand out to relatives and, “total strangers on the streets of Vancouver. Why not? They’re practically free.” His wife Lavern added, “We used to be pretty meek when we visited Seattle, but hell, I just caught myself paying a woman $50 U.S. to take her spot in the Starbucks line. She also had a really cute baby daughter; I offered to buy her too, as a future maid of course. But we decided it might be illegal.”
This buying spree has sparked a backlash. “Canadians: Take Off, Eh!!” was spray painted in giant letters on Northgate Mall in response to Canadian Investment Company’s proposal of major real estate acquisitions that included Mt. Rainier and all of Whatcom County.
Economists expect the U.S. dollar to return to dominance in the future. Professor Jim Satterwhite from the UW School of Economics told the Salmon, “There’s no doubt that Canada’s ultra-boring strategies helped them in this recession. They lead the world in mind-numbingly dull fiscal planning. But you can’t keep U.S. investors down. Eventually we’ll find a new bubble, superior to one that recently destroyed our economy. We’ll dump all our money into that and the U.S. dollar shall rise again.”
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