Seattle Salmon: Congressman who saw UFO in Washington is moving back to run for congress
Lynnwood-There has been much discussion over why Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich is suddenly visiting the burbs north of Seattle so much. By all accounts, he is not exploring the artful nuances of Alderwood Mall cuisine, but instead mulling a run for Congress. Currently his district in Ohio is being gerrymandered into a right wing bastion akin to Pyongyang. But when asked, “Why Washington State?” the hobbity congressman said, “Because that is where my alien voters are!”
He is not kidding. Resident Space Cadet and actress Shirley McClaine wrote in her autobiography that while visiting her home in Graham, WA, in 1982, Kucinich “Saw a gigantic triangular craft, it hovered for about 10 minutes or so and sped away. He felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind.” And apparently votes in the bank! “You gotta go where the votes are,” said the congressman. “I feel that the alien votes I can receive in Washington will push me over the top.”
Less than Stellar Support
It seems Kucinich’s assumptions might be premature. The Alien Voter Association of Washington was still mulling any endorsement in the race. When asked about a Kucinich vote, Vice-Commander Gule eph LiRufuph responded, “Clearly we met with the congressman back in the 80s and took a half pound of brain samples, but that in no way implies an endorsement. We do that to every hippy meditating in the woods around Mr. Rainier. His record of helping Ohio wither to nothing has us very concerned; we are withholding our support at this time. Maybe he should go to Oregon; I hear the Sasquatch Party is pretty supportive of him.”
Others are more excited, Ramtha, the 3000 year old Altantis warrior who speaks through Yelm’s J.Z. Knight and Comet Hale Bop riders have not only endorsed Kucinich’s run here but have also contributed financially to the campaign. When asked for comment, Ramtha said, “Dennis has a soul that has transcended light, he has opened his mind beyond the universe while studying the smallest particle of matter eternally. Also, I am hoping he can cut the capital gains tax rate.”
The Derm Returns!
Another Washington Congressman, and Seattle Salmon favorite, Jim “The Derm” McDermott, was stunned when he heard Kucinich wanted to run in the Evergreen State. “What? That guy? Washington only has room for one Congressman for Life that does whatever he damn well pleases. Some has got to be looking out for the voters around here…”