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The Christmas Surprise

On the night before Christmas, the Donald lay awake,

OH what what was good friend Kim Jung Un planning for this special day?

Was it a chocolate cake?  Perhaps a wonderful Hanbok, the silk dress the Donald saw on so many Korean women?  Melania would look so lovely in an Hanbok.

But what if it was sack of coal, or a dead horse head like in some Hollywood Mafia movie?  A surprise like some sort of insult to the Donald or worse .. a missile aimed at Mr. Trump’s beloved Mar a Lago?

The phone rang, the RED PHONE.  “Mr. President, YOU need to make a decision!”  “Whaat ???”  “Mr. President, NORAD has reported a projectile proceeding over the North Pole!  It is headed toward Mar a Lago!  It will  arrive over Florida in 14 minutes, 25 seconds.”

The Donald yelled out for his help but only the maid, Fiffi was nearby.  Pompeo had taken a night off to visit Kansas and Steve Miller was at home celebrating the third night of Hannukah .. not a good time to need a staff Jew!

In Trump’s dream, the internationally beloved icon of the Christmas season (Kringle not Donald) lies dying in intensive care at a local hospital. According to an official DHS statement, Santa was blown out of the sky, with his sled and eight tiny reindeer’

Kushner?  But that guy did not believe in Santa!  Ivanka’s kids did not even get Christmas stockings!  They did not even give their Granps a Christmas present!

Worse, the Donald thought, What if the “missile” were Santa?  What if I shot down Santa?  CNN would have a ball!  The image of himself with a long gun and the sleigh crashed on the snows of North Dakota was too horrid to mention.

What to do?

The voice on the phone said, “Please Mr. Trump, you only have 12 minutes.”

The Donald needed to think quickly!  What would Obama do?  Should the Donald call the ex President for advice? Obama would know what to do!  Maybe we could blame it on Iranian terrorists!  If the missle were really Santa, Trump could get FOX to say we needed a wall to protect our Northern Border! Yeah, that is great.  I will shoot it down and if it is Santa I will tell the nation that Santa was really an Iranian terrorist.  Fox could get some elderly grandmother to assure the reporters that this “Santa: wore a towel arounf his head.”

The voice on the phone said, “Mr. Presient, we now have only 10 minutes and 17 seconds.  We have an F35 approaching the missile, shall I tell them to fire?”

Damn, to late to call Obama. He probably would not help anyway.  And what if it is a damn missile from Kim?  It would not even have to be much of a missile, just some fire works to blow up over Mar a Lago to humilate me.

“Mr. President, you only have five minutes.”  Trump thought, “Yeh, I will shoot it down!”  If I am wrong and this is Santa, Fox will say this was a plot from the Obama Administration  to make me look bad! I can have Hannity say, “It’s this kind of Democrud induced hatred of everything good and decent, like Santa Claus, that requires that our President have more power to arrest and detain these intolerant people, without a warrant, before there is another such tragedy.” Tucker can chime in blaming Jeremiah Wright, “What else should the President do?  The old fool claimed white Santa never gave him anything but a lump of coal, so he got what he deserved.” Ron Paul could jump in pointing out that the sleigh crashed on private land, so this shouldn’t even be a federal issue.

So, no real issue. I can shoot it down.  Trump decided. He was ready, He went to tell the voice on the phone, “order the shoot done!”  Then the bad news.  Too late,

“Mr. President, sorry too late!  The pilot of the F35 has the object in sight .. it is a missile and your name is written on the side!  It will be over Mr a Lago in five seconds.  “
5, 4, 3, 2,  ..

Soon the telephone rang again.  It was Kim Jung Un .. “Merry Christmas Old Dotard, this is your favorite rocket man! ”  Have a happy new year!

Meanwhile, holed up in a cabin in the mountains in an alternate universe,  Bubba is dreaming of threatening to shoot the remaining two reindeer if his manifesto is not published in the New York Times.

 

Watch for further news on this developing story.

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