I guess they didn’t have my college English instructor

News report: “The Oregon Republican Party’s statement for the state voters’ pamphlet arrived 29 seconds too late and won’t appear in the guide mailed to voters for the November election, officials say.” To read their excuses, bleating, and whining, click here.

When I was in college, freshman English was a required course, and everybody had to take it. I’m not familiar with how the instructors were conscripted to teach that course, but they all hated it, and mine was fished out of the depths of hell.

She had a literary agent. She did not have tenure. Or a wedding ring. I’m not sure anyone who has a literary agent has a wedding ring; that seems like two incompatible relationships to me.

We had to write 10 papers during the semester, one per week. They had to be turned in by 8:00 a.m. Friday, which didn’t mean 8:01 a.m. or 8:00:29 a.m.; she was very explicit about that. At 8:00:00 the slot in her office door slammed shut, and if your paper wasn’t in by then, you got a “0” for your grade. This was before digital watches linked by satellite to the Atomic Clock, so I don’t know how she did that. It’s a trade secret of freshman English instructors.

I’ve heard similar stories from other ex-students, so I think this was a practice the cabal of sadists who teach freshman English worked out among themselves. There was a certain logic to it. They had 18-year-olds fresh out of high school dumped on them, who they had to prepare for the business world where excuses, bleating, and whining are not a substitute for getting work done or meeting deadlines.

The Oregon Republicans missed their deadline by 29 seconds. Do they expect sympathy from me? Obviously they didn’t have my English instructor. They wouldn’t be in this fix now if she had broken them of their slovenly habits. They’ll just have to flunk this time and learn from the experience.

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  1. Mark Adams #

    This is not Freshman English. This is about Oregon voters getting the information they need to make an informed decision. The Republicans statement was there at the end of the business day, and it is not likely the actual publisher or printer had to have the statement right that minute and probably did not receive the information for the pamphlet until the next day at the earliest. I doubt your college Freshman English instructor is remotely involved in this process, but if she is she is likely to get a tongue lashing from a judge for this silliness, even though judges can be very persnickety about Attorneys having things in on time. While some attorneys are very adept at extending time on matters.

  2. Roger Rabbit #

    Maybe they can find a Republican judge more sympathetic than their Republican Secretary of State or my former English instructor.