(TOX BREAKING NEWS) After an intense NATIONAL search, President Trump has identified his new national security adviser, Stephen Jennings. A uniquely qualified man, the President said.
Although not as yet well known nationally, Mr. Jennings is well known in Oklahoma and Kentucky for his startling work on the interaction of atomic energy and the genetic modifications of snakes.
The largely secretive work came to light when Mr, Jennings was arrested when stopped by an officer with the Guthrie Police. The officer, a Democrat, claimed he found an open bottle of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey near a firearm, and a container of “yellowish powder” that was labeled “Uranium.” The actual identity came to light when Sgt. Anthony Gibbs. an officer of the Oklahoma State Police, discovered that Jennings was legally carrying these items as part of his job as an undercover CIA agent and faculty member at a prestigious institution.
Mr. Jennings was recommended to the President by Senator James Mountain Inhofe. Mr. Inhofe explained that Mr. Jennings was an undercover agent working with the CIA to identify scientists, agents of China, who have published fraudulent climate research to benefit the Chinese solar panel industry.
Mr. Jennings, it turns out, is also on the faculty of the Creation Museum in nearby Kentucky and was highly recommended to Senator Inhofe and Mr. Trump by the founder of that institution, Kenneth Ham. In fact, it was Mr. Ham who provided Mr, Jennings with the very rare bottle of Kentucky Deluxe, A beverage said to taste like the elixir of God. Mr. Ham explained that part of Mr. Jennings’ work at the museum was to use radiation and the elixir to create a “super snake” proving that changes in species only occur by God’s will. The Senator himself is known as major scientific light of the Republican party and is the author of The Greatest Hoax: How the Global Warming Conspiracy Threatens Your Future.