BREAKING NEWS: Did a Norwegian fishing trawler haul in “Donald Trump?”

Ingoya, Norwegian coast Friday, April 26, 2019.

BREAKING ICE : Startling news out of Norway today after a Norwegian fishing trawler reportedly hauled in a beluga whale with a strange, Russian harness that looked like Donald Trump’s hair.

Norwegian fisherman Joar Hesten, or the fishing vessel “Hvalens Dronning” tries to attract a beluga whale swimming next to his boat.  The Norwegian fishermen were able to remove the tight harness, off the northern Norwegian coast Friday, April 26, 2019. Besides the hair harness strap which featured a mount for an action camera, labeled “Оборудование Санкт-Петербург” (Equipment St. Petersburg in Russian.  which has prompted speculation that the animal may have escaped from a Russian facility known to train whales for naval operations. 

Officer Joergen Ree Wiig of the Norwegian Directorate of Fisheries Sea Surveillance Unit. Officer Ree Wilg is holding the harness with the wig.

Joergen Ree Wiig of the Norwegian Directorate of Fisheries Sea Surveillance Unit was observing the activity from his patrol boat and was able to take pictures.   “Initially the fishermen believed it was just a strange beluga whale,” Mr. Ree Wiig reported, “but then it approached the boats it began to talk.  The conversation was mostly concerned with the harness attached to the whale’s back. The voice said, ‘This is just the greatest harness! I’ve got the bigliest harness of any white whale.'”  Another fishermen, a Ragnor Lothbrok, said the “Whales voice did not seem to be recorded and went on and on. “it was very boastful.”

Unfortunately, the whale began to blow excessive amounts of scat out of its blowhole making the fishermen became concerned and hauled it aboard one of the boats with permission of Officer Joergen Ree Wiig from the patrol boat.

Mr.. Wilg continued, “It was then that they realized what they had on their hands, the crew was worried the harness, which appeared to have been affixed very tightly about the whale, was causing the breathing difficulties so they decided to cut it off.”

On examining the harness the fisherman found a label that proclaimed “Имущество В. Путина, если найдено, верните в Кремль (in Russian , Property of V. Putin, if found please return to the Kremlin ).

A marine biologist,  Professor Audun Rikardsen of the Norwegian Institute for Nature Research at Tromso University,  Told TA News that “the harness with the wig was fitted around the whale’s head, in front of its pectoral fins and it had clips and a GoPro attachment.  Instead of a camera, the wig was attached to the clips.  I discussed this with a Russian colleague in Murmansk. She told me her institute doesn’t do such experiments, but she knows the Russian navy has caught belugas for some years and trained them – most likely it’s related to that.”

A Press Release from the Norwegian Institute for Nature Research stated “The Trump whale is clearly some kind of weapon. The whale is currently being distracted with a smartphone while  mammal researchers from the US DARPA  decide whether or not it can be de-programmed, or should be kept in captivity for the rest of its unnatural life.”

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